Of Trust-falls and Crutches

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart: and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
When God says trust Him in ALL your heart, He doesn’t mean just the easy things. He also doesn’t mean just the things we think about entrusting to Him because they are not as significant. For instance, when I was working at a boarding school in New Zealand, I learned some things about my heart. I learned that my heart is easily distracted by a handsome face or charming accent. I also learned that, when ministry/missions is your passion, it becomes your heart. You are thrilled by “successes” and crushed by “failures.” So, Trust Him with your heart, that deep inner part of you that you would die to protect from pain and only trust to the people closest to you.
Another thing of which God has been reminding me is where to lean. In my world, if I can’t figure out how something could happen, it becomes impossible… a trait I have inherited from my father. This is especially the case with my life of late. I have been looking for a job for quite sometime but can’t seem to find one anywhere… not even in mundane work. Despite this fact, I feel the leading of God to go back to school for my Master’s degree. I have turned to God many times and asked, “Just how do You expect me to pay for school if I don’t have a job?” How foolish I am and how easy it is to mentally squish God into a refrigerator box. Is not God the Creator of all things and all knowledge? Isn’t He the Owner of all things and the Dictator of how resources should be used? Why do I fret because finances are running low and there is no relief in sight? *sigh
So trust, lean and acknowledge. What is the difference between trusting and leaning? Aren’t they basically the same thing. Trust is like a trust-fall. It is a sign of complete abandon or surrender to one’s fate and the hands of the One who catches you. Leaning is like a crutch. It is a persistent aid when a burden is too painful or heavy to bear. Everyday, not just in missions, I need to trust and lean… then acknowledging God is obvious because I never would have made it thus far without Him.